A sleepless night with BBC and tea… All is well.
A sleepless night with BBC and tea… All is well.
I found myself somewhere deep in the forest
Just past dusk and misty
The clouds were wisps through the trees
I poured my coffee from the thermos
And sat down by the stream
My backpack carried an old journal
One or two pages left to fill
So I picked a dandelion and pressed it between the pages
And I wrote about a weed that had a friendly yellow color
I thought about that for a minute or two
And I realized that final journal entry was me!
Today I’ll tell you about an author I was recently introduced to and absolutely adore. Her Name is Louise Hay. She is an author/motivational speaker. Lost in the ups and downs and ins and outs of depression for the past several years I have delved into the works of quite a number of these speakers and their works. I feel that my problem has been that I have not been “ready” to hear the words or practice the methods for a very long time. I feel a jolt of inspiration and happiness from time to time and this is when I pick up the material. However, the low sets in again and I find it next to impossible to even see it through.
That being said, lately I have felt a bit more open to the concept of hope and change. Not always, mind you, but more often than in previous times. So, when my good friend copied the affirmation you see above and gave it to me to post on my mirror I had one of those “quick jolts” of hope. It may seem cheesy to say these kind of things while looking at yourself in the mirror. I’ve always been skeptical of affirming myself. But today I say… “Why not?” I’ve made many mistakes, taken many wrong turns. I’ve spent too many days buried under the covers in the dark. Too many days not being grateful and feeling unworthy and incapable. And I know all that is not going to change in the blink of an eye or just because I tell myself “I love you” on a daily basis. However, after listening to and reading about this amazing woman and what she has to teach I find myself feeling a little bit more open to the power of affirming myself and shedding light on my darkness. I do hope that this openness continues and allows me the chance to rediscover who it is that I really am.
So… On Love… One of the things that I’m loving right now is this lovely woman, Louise Hay.
Again pondering the question, “What is something that I love that has absolutely no negative connotations??” Let’s talk about my hound, Homer. The saying “Any woman who says diamonds are a girl’s best friend has never known the love of a dog,” comes to mind. So true, so true! I love all of my frilly little girly things a whole heck of a lot but this hound is truly a gift of grace! Right now, I’m dealing with a particularly debilitating relapse in my depression. Circumstances are overwhelming and most of my time is spent within the four walls of my bedroom. When I think about the journey out of my depression the first thing that comes to mind is my dog lying beside me under the covers with his head on the pillow and his nose nuzzled against my neck. I concentrate on his breathing and pet his silky soft ears and a peace comes over me. I tell him, “Homer, we have to get up and go for a walk,” and the mention of that one small word W-A-L-K makes him so happy that his whole body wags in time with his tail! Just to see that utter joy sends a wave of hope through to my soul. And when we step outside and journey to the stream together and sit along the banks to listen to the bubbling all is right with the world!
Too much fun creating a movie of my darlings with Magisto! I delight in the little things!
This past Monday I spent some time with one of the most wonderful and spiritual human beings I know in one of the most beautiful and spiritual places I know. The darkness I referred to in my last post was consuming me. We walked and we talked. We pet Alpacas and kissed sick kittens. I watched a baby giggle in a swing and held the softest little yellow ducklings.
During our discussion she mentioned a book she is reading and an exercise in the book that I thought I might give a try. Essentially you’re choosing one thing a day that you love that has no stressful connotations and writing about it. It’s not difficult for me to list things that I love. The harder part of this exercise is writing about something that I love that has absolutely no negative connotations.
So let’s talk about Dar Williams and why I love her! She’s amazing on so many levels. Beautiful, talented, poetic, magical, inspirational… and the list goes on. Her music and her lyrics speak to me on a level that very few other artists do. She’s just so incredibly real and down to earth and grounded. I just want to meet her in a coffee shop somewhere at 1:00 a.m. and talk the early morning away. Whenever I hear the first chord of one of her songs a peace comes over me. It may not be an all encompassing peace, depending on the severity of my depression, but it is sure to always be at least that little nudge of peace. That little lifeline back to the light! So now I’ll put on “Go to the Woods” and take that gentle lead to the light!
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